


'Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on'

by Odd_birds_and_booksellers



Series: Daylight [2]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers
Summary: A sequel to "You gotta step into the daylight."A look at Christmas past and present in Jo and Alex's life.TW: Mentions of domestic violence
Relationships: Alex Karev & Jo Wilson Karev, Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Series: Daylight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041876
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20
Collections: a very jolex christmas





	'Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on'

**Author's Note:**

> Part of mine and docpickles new thing “Festive Fridays with Two Dumb Bitches So Dumb They Can’t Stick to the Schedule They Make for Themselves”
> 
> We really aimed for Thursday but we also are dumb bitches hence the title, so hopefully, fingers crossed, pray for us we should have a festive fic up every Friday but unlike Nina, I make no promise for this to be a fun festive fic...it could get very very angsty in the weeks to come.

**_Christmas night,_ **   
**_Another fight,_ **   
**_Tears we cried,_ **   
**_A flood_ **   
**_Got all kinds of poison in, of poison in my blood_ **

The flashing lights of the neighbours home illuminate their home. The bright multi colours pouring through the windows filling their home with a false sense of joy. The reflection of the neighbour's sign “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” a cruel joke in his eyes. 

He’s passed out in front of the TV, a shattered beer bottle on the ground by his feet from where he’d lost his grip in his deep slumber while TV continues to blare loudly over his heavy snores, as the rest of the house sits wearily upstairs hoping the beer will keep quiet for a while longer. 

She’s off in the bedroom brushing the youngest's hair, the tear tracks down her face still evident as she sings her a soft lullaby in one of her more lucid moments. He still keeps an eye on her though from his vantage point at the top of the stairs, while he tries to ignore the quiet whimpers of his brother from the other room. 

He’d told him not to say anything...practically begged him but he’s too young to understand, he doesn't get why everyone else woke up to warm households with presents under the tree and a huge home-cooked meal for the whole family. No, he only knows that he’s cold and hungry and that he wants a new toy car. 

He doesn't get it. 

But Alex does, that’s why when their old man had barked for him to shut up Alex had blocked his path, taking whatever punishment he had in mind himself. His version of a Christmas gift for his sons. Alex’s gift had been taking the pain saved for his siblings. It’s also why he’d given him his coat when they’d been locked outside as a punishment, it’s also why when she’d finally got up and let them in Alex had smiled and told her everything was okay as she asked them how school was that day like she had no idea what day it truly was. 

“Alex?” His voice breaks out as Alex turns to watch him hesitantly step out of the room, still wrapped in both his and Alex’s coats, no one had paid the heating bill that month, their father favouring the little money they had on his drug of choice. Aaron sits beside him carefully reaching out to touch the cigarette burn on Alex's arm, making Alex wince as his fingers trace over the faint scars beside it. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine…” Alex forces on a bright smile, pulling his jumper over his burns as he peeks down the staircase making sure the old man is still asleep before standing, reaching his hand out for his little brother. “You want me to read you a book? We could read a Christmas Carol to Amber if you want?” 

It’s just another day. Another day to count the hours down on. Another day for him to force a smile, to keep them all safe and hope they never feel as lonely and as scared as he does, it’s not a day to celebrate, a day to be happy or loving. It's just another day to survive.

**_When you're still waiting for the snow to fall  
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all_ **

Their first Christmas together is a quiet one, he sticks to the same routine he's had since he first arrived at Grey Sloan, work. 

Only now he’s on the peds floor he finds it a bit more enjoyable, watching the family’s pile in for a visit, all the kids momentarily forgetting their pain as they laugh and sing and ignore their bleak surroundings. 

He doesn't mind working Christmas, he never has much to celebrate, he usually ends up back at Meredith's and while he loves his friends in recent years he’s found himself on the outside looking in more often than not. Like he didn’t quite have a place in all their happy families, but he has her. For the first time in a long time, Christmas didn’t feel so doom and gloom, it’s not like they were celebrating unless you count this morning's activities of course. They hadn’t even got each other presents but there was something about the way she’d mumbled Merry Christmas before wandering off on round this morning that sprayed something in Alex. Like a little spark of hope that hadn’t been there before. 

She finds him in the NICU, softly singing a lullaby the same one his mother had sung all those years ago. The infant's tiny hand wrapped around his finger and her heart melted at the sight because no one knew him like this, no one sees this version of him. She wishes he’d let more people see the man that sings soft lullabies to lonely NICU babies on Christmas day, but he’s guarded and she gets it, she is too. 

His eyes meet hers as she slips into the room, a sadness reflecting back at her that she knows too well and no words are spoken as he sits back in the seat beside the incubator, opening his arms up and gesturing for her to sit with him. 

She’s in his arms in seconds, a warmth filling her as she leans her head against his chest, both just watching the little life before them, listening to the quiet beeps of the monitor. she thinks this might be the happiest she’s ever felt at Christmas. 

There's nothing grand about it, no big family dinner, with decorations filling the house and gifts piled under the tree. That will all come later, right now it’s just the two of them and it’s enough. 

**_Up above candles on air flicker  
Oh they flicker and they float  
And I'm up here holding on to all those chandeliers of hope  
_ **

She expects her first Christmas with him to be one to remember and for the most part, it is. She wakes up on the living room floor, one eye swollen shut and her back almost entirely black and blue as she pulls herself up off the floor. It was her fault, that's what he told her. She’d embarrassed him at the Christmas eve party, she’d had two glasses of champagne when he’d told her she could only drink one. That wasn’t the worst part, the worst part had been when he’d caught her thanking the waiting staff for taking her coat, infuriated by the way she had apparently looked at the guy, he’d bent her arm around her back so hard she thought it would break, and she’d been forced to smile and compliment her wonderfully clever husband in front of his bosses. Maybe they didn't notice, maybe they didn’t see the way her eyes were bloodshot, or that her mascara has smudged a bit under her eyes. Maybe they didn’t see the way she flinched each time he wrapped his arm around her...or maybe they did. Maybe they saw it and said nothing, maybe it was easier for them to believe she’d slipped on the ice outside and that's why her arm was hurting.

It’s easier to look away. It’s easier to do nothing. 

So they wave them goodbye, wishing them a Merry Christmas ignoring the way her eyes plead for someone to ask if she's okay...she just wants someone to care enough to ask. 

But no one does, and she goes home apologising profusely for something she wasn’t aware she’d done wrong, but she's sorry, she’s sorry the second she sees his eyes darken, the way his hands tighten on the steering wheel as he drives them home. 

Her reflection is a blur in the mirror, with only one eye open as she tries to tidy her appearance, shivering at the thought of the night before. She hears his footsteps on the stairs sending her heartbeat into overdrive knowing she doesn't look as presentable as he will want her to be this morning. 

“Brooke?” His voice sends ice through her veins, as she swallows deeply. 

“Just a second.” She calls out, squeezing her hand into fists desperately trying to stop them from shaking as she finishes applying her makeup.

He’s waiting outside the door when she’s finished, a huge smile across his face. She lets out a deep breath, hoping he was in one of his better moods as she steps out into the hallway. She tries to keep her body from crumbling as he wraps his arms around her waist, leaning down to press a kiss against her lips. She can’t help flinching as he does so. He notices, of course, he does, lifting a hand to run across her bruised eye and cheek, he shakes his head tutting quietly. “Oh, Brooke...I’m so sorry darling.” 

She forces a smile, nodding as she places her hands on his arms, pretending to enjoy his embrace. “I know...It’s okay, It looks worse than it actually is.” 

“What will I do with you?...you know I hate when you flirt with other men.” He whispers, pulling Jo’s hair from the loose bun she’d placed it in, he prefered her hair down and she curses herself for not remembering. She makes it through the day, barely hiding her pain she pretends to feel the love and joy she'd always dreamed of.

**_May all your troubles soon be gone  
Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on_ **

It’s early when she hears the door creak open, the little sound of feet scurrying across the floor, she had been sure she’d fallen asleep downstairs trying to wrap all the presents up cursing herself for always leaving it till the last second, she was watching the clock waiting for him to appear at the door shaking the snow from his head as wipes his boots on the doormat, he must’ve carried her up to bed when he came in.

He’d drawn the short straw and been on call this year, Christmas always bought a busy time for the E.R with everyone rushing about in the last minute panic, still, she hoped he’d be back before the kids woke. It was the first year Ivy really understood what was going on and she didn’t want him to miss the look on her face. 

She squints as her eyes try to adjust to the darkness watching the culprit who’d awoken her pull onto the duvet cover dragging herself up on to the bed. 

That little mischievous grin that is all her husbands spread across her face as she lands over his legs with a thump, catching sight of her mother’s eyes she sequels in delight crawling towards her. 

Jo reaches out and pulls her closer, shushing her in the hopes she’d let him sleep a little longer. He'd had a busy night at work. 

“It’s Christmas....” the little one squeals excitedly as she tucks herself in under the covers beside Jo. 

Her attempts to let him sleep go out the window when the cries start from beside them both, leaning over she hurriedly lifts the sleeping boy from beside her shushing him gently.

“Bubba..” Ivy cries clambering over Jo to get a peek of her baby brother, he’d only been here a couple of weeks but she was obsessed, she couldn’t wait for him to be bigger so they could play. She had taken to asking Alex and Jo every day when he would be big enough to stand. 

A groan from beside them lets Jo know she hadn’t been quite enough as she sheepishly looks over to find Alex awake, his eyebrows furrowed as he looks up at them, his hair sticking up in every direction as he groans, he’s usually grumpy in the morning but she watches as the soft smile appears on his face at the sight of them. 

“Are you all having a morning party without me?” He grumbles, grunting as Ivy leaps away from Jo climbing onto his back.

“It’s Christmas daddy.” She cheers sitting up on his back, squealing in delight as Alex grabs a hold of her leg lifting her up in the air. 

Alex’s eyes widened in fake surprise, as he settled her back down his chest, brushing back her unruly curls. “Is it? Do you think Santa came?” 

Ivy nods enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear as she looks between Jo and Alex. 

“Well, we better go check…” Jo mutters excitedly, laughing as Ivy's eyes widen jumping out of bed she’s out of the door before Alex can even sit up. “I don’t know where we got her from…” she winks, smiling down at Alex who’s rubbing his eyes still shaking himself from his deep sleep. “Merry Christmas honey…” she leans down, finding the warmth of his lips. 

“Mhmm...Merry Christmas to you and Merry Christmas to you buddy.” Alex grins against her lips before leaning down to press a kiss to the baby in her arms. “Better go down before she rips open everything in sight.” 

**_Those Christmas lights light up the street_ **   
**_Maybe they'll bring her back to me_ **   
**_Then all my troubles will be gone_ **   
**_Oh Christmas lights, keep shining on_ **

The day is busy, wrapping paper littering the floor, the happy Christmas music blasting through the house before they all bundle up in the car heading over to frat house to join their chosen family. 

When she finally gets the baby down the house is quiet, unusually quiet for her house, as she tiptoes down the hall where Jo finds them both tucked up in Ivy’s toddler bed, he looks like Buddy the Elf in that bed. One arm wrapped around a sleeping Ivy, the other hanging off the bed still gripping onto a copy of A Christmas Carol. Jo chuckles quietly to herself carefully pulling her phone from her pocket and snapping a picture of the pair, she's exhausted. Christmas with a newborn and toddler is a bit hectic, the whole season was busy, between work and their chosen family she rarely found a moment to reflect. 

Those scars are still there, for both of them. They still haunt their dreams, it’s not something you just get over, sometimes it hits them out of nowhere and they’re right back there in their worst moments. It’s easier to handle together, it's easier to shoulder when you have someone beside you. 

Jo could never imagine this life back then, she was so sure she’d never find this kind of happiness. She was sure she’d die there...she could never imagine her daughter's smile or her son's eyes until she met Alex.

Jo drops off her phone on the bedside table, squeezing herself in beside Alex, accidentally nudging him awake in the process. She snuggles closer placing her head against his chest, finding comfort in the sound of his heartbeat as she settles in. She feels Alex wrap an arm around her as he blinks a few times trying to get a hold of his surroundings before yawning loudly. 

“You know we have our own adult-sized bed right?” He mutters his voice still thick with sleep, peering down to find Jo’s eyes already closed. He rolls his eyes but makes no attempt to move. Not that he could if he wanted to with both his girls snuggled up against his chest he was pinned down and he didn’t mind one bit.

“I’m good right here…” Jo whispers just as he was drifting back off.

He tightens his grip around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Yeah, I think I’m good right here too.”

**_Singing how I've always loved you, darling, and I always will_ **

  
  



End file.
